pity party?

[4boysmomRN]

Hello, I have been lurking here for a while, so much great information. It is wonderful to know that I am not alone, or crazy. I was diagnosed in 2004, and have been doing okay. I am married and have 4 boys ages 13, 10, 10, and 6and I am a nurse (9years). I have only been working 24-30 hours a week since diagnosed. I had a relapse the beginning of April and it lasted well over a month, and I am still not back to my baseline prior to the relapse. My brain does not work. my legs don't work that great, limp alot. terrible h/a everyday, so fatigued.....I cry a lot, and I just feel like no one around me understands. don't get me wrond I have a great husband, there are not many good men like him around any more. My boys are great, so well behaved, but busy busy busy. I feel terrible all the time telling them mom is tired, or cant think straight, maybe we will do that later. I feel sad and tired and bad for the way I am. I love my job and the people I work with, really love it, but I feel like I may not be safe anymore. I don't know how many times I broke sterile procedure last week, I just couldn't get my brain to work. that is just one example, I won't go into everything and bore you all to death. My husband is a farmer, we life a very comfortable life, but I provide the health insurance. I feel like it such a burden, i takes so much to get through a day. at home I nap every two to three hours for at least 45 mins. You just cant do that at work. Oh well, just venting. thanks for listening hope everyone is having a great day.

[Jules A]

Hi and welcome!
We understand.
Hugs, Jules

[snuzzer]

I know its tough...I've been doing it for 15 yrs. Since there is no cure the docs treat symptoms. One symptom that my doc treated first was stress, anxiety and sadness because it is so hard to be fine one day and your life flipped upside down the next. (It reminds me of a turtle) Anyway, ask your doc for ideas to ease the various symptoms maybe a support group, local M.S. society for info., events etc. Take care of you.

[moesmomtoo]

I was a LPN for five years and then my leg stiffness, hand numbness started. I kept telling myself that it was due to working night shift but when I took a break from my job last year b/c I was so tired and stiff all the time, I noticed that nothing was causing it. I also started having more dizziness, and foggy brain, numbness in both feet until I had to realize I could not go back to work as a nurse again.

I am afraid I will forget some med ot Tx and cause someone to be hurt by it or fall and cause myself harm. I have no insurance b/c I planned to return after a short break and now I find myself unable to get the tests done that I need. I am in limbo for a Dx but I have done my research and I know what I am going through unfortunately that will not cut it as far as getting SSDI or even Medicaid.

I pray alot that God will show me what to do next. I even prayed I would win the lottery so I could get the Tx I needed...pathetic I know. I tried to go to a Neuro but it was so expensive I could not get the MRI done. He stated."No test results, then there is nothing more I can do for you." I will be giving up my license this year too and it has broken my heart. I went to nursing school right after my divorce at the old age of 43 so I had to really push myself to get this, now I have to throw it away.

I feel like I fell backwards in my life to the point of not even being the same person. It helped me alot to read about others going through the same thing.....an unexpected blessing .....

**Post edited by Moderator to break into paragraphs for easier reading! Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print**

[kelm10]

Welcome aboard.

Do not beat yourself up. You did not ask for this and it sounds very much like you are trying.

Have you explored all avenues for fatigue. Provigil, Nuvigil, amatadine, ritalin, Aricept (it sometimes make you more alert and helps with the memory.) b12 sublingual, there is the herbal acetyl l cartine or something like that.

I know you are tired and taking naps. But are you doing some kind of exercise routine, it really does help with the fatigue. Try and tie in doing something with the kids. I do water aerobics and my boys tag along sometimes. If you have a YMCA close by they offer scholarships for memberships.

Have you changed medications (dmd.) I chose not to do tysabri but opted for methotrexate an old chemo drug that is helping me. I am glad to be moving more.