Ok, some backstory.

I don't have kids. My husband and I live in VA, my mom and dad live in FL, my brother lives in PA, and my in-laws live in OH. There's no support system here for me. I can't face going off my meds before trying to have a baby, deal with a newborn, stay off meds if I want to breastfeed.... its a terrifying prospect.

As a child, teenager, and into college I always said 'NO KIDS'. I was never interesting in being a mom. That lasted exactly as long as it took to meet my husband. He's such an amazing man, and would be an amazing dad. I want to watch him be a dad. I want to have a baby. I want to give my brother a niece or nephew. I want to be a mom.

My youngerbrother just had a baby on Tuesday. I'm so happy for him.

I just turned 33 last month. And for the last two weeks, the mere mention of kids turns me into a blubbering mess. My husband is amazingly supportive and he and I have talked and decided that kids might just not be in the cards for us. We'll just be amazing aunt and uncle to our 8 nieces and nephews.

That's been the plan for a few years now. And we're both happy with our lives. We're even making plans to move back to OH (where we're both from) to be closer to nieces and nephews and in-laws.

So, WHY AM I CRYING? Birthdays are usually hard for me about this, but this weekend, I had to get up from a hibachi table and go cry in the bathroom because a mom sat down to our table with a newborn.

Thank you for reading this long, ramble. I think I just needed to get it out there somewhere. Thank you for being the place I can go for support. Thank you ladies.