Husband uses ms against me??

[Medina89]

I just had an argument with my husband about something not connected to ms and at the end he says "you should have no say in your situation,if i was the one with ms you would leave me i know that so be grateful" in other words be grateful i am not leaving you because of ms(i understood it so).I stopped talking to him after that this is the 2 time he uses my ms in arguments last time he said God gave you this for a reason then he apologized and promised he would never do it again,that he wishes it happened to him well here it is again.What to do? Our fights are mostly because i have no job now and he finds me lazy?!

[pennstater]

I just had an argument with my husband about something not connected to ms and at the end he says "you should have no say in your situation,if i was the one with ms you would leave me i know that so be grateful" in other words be grateful i am not leaving you because of ms(i understood it so).I stopped talking to him after that this is the 2 time he uses my ms in arguments last time he said God gave you this for a reason then he apologized and promised he would never do it again,that he wishes it happened to him well here it is again.What to do? Our fights are mostly because i have no job now and he finds me lazy?!

So sorry to hear this. Does he make any effort to get educated about MS? Does he go to any neurologist appointments with you? Maybe you could let your neuro know that your husband perceiving you as lazy is causing stress and that you were hoping hearing from a neuro how MS has affected your ability to work and your daily activities.

I know I would be upset if my husband hung MS over my head. Once both of you have calmed down, and you discuss it again, I would let him know that he made a promise and broke it. Remind him that you didn't choose to have MS. If he resents the MS and is taking it out on you, you may want to consider counseling so that you both learn to live with MS in your lives. If he isn't willing, it may be worth you just getting counseling. It may help you determine how you want to deal with your husband if he continues down this path.

Really hoping things get better for you.

[REG53]

Hello Medina, Just wanted to say how sorry I am your husband is doing this, it is so wrong and I totally agree with pennstater.

Wishing you all the best.

[DawnSparks]

Really feel bad for you!

[Ant1981]

Funny how my Ex girlfriend said things like you don't get special treatment cause you have MS. Sure, I get it but all I expected was her family at dinner for at least 1 of them to ask how I was doing, that is all. I've recovered so well it seems everyone thinks I'm cured and back 2 normal.

My good male male friends even drop me a line from time 2 time to ask how I'm doing and that's all I ask for.

But my relationship was toxic causing me too much stress, now I'm looking to get a quiet peaceful place of my own to live by my school and pursue a occupation that is better suited for me stress wise, plus I don't feel comfortable on scaffolding anymore.

[gargantua]

I just had an argument with my husband about something not connected to ms and at the end he says "you should have no say in your situation,if i was the one with ms you would leave me i know that so be grateful" in other words be grateful i am not leaving you because of ms(i understood it so).I stopped talking to him after that this is the 2 time he uses my ms in arguments last time he said God gave you this for a reason then he apologized and promised he would never do it again,that he wishes it happened to him well here it is again.What to do? Our fights are mostly because i have no job now and he finds me lazy?!

What he said hurt you, and it sounds like his words probably cause stress between you. One question that popped up for me is, as a partner/caregiver does he get any outside support about your MS like from a therapist or support group? Everyone walks around with toxic feelings about certain things - we are human. It sounds like he needs a place to vent them so he can be more "whole" for you.

[Medina89]

Funny how my Ex girlfriend said things like you don't get special treatment cause you have MS. Sure, I get it but all I expected was her family at dinner for at least 1 of them to ask how I was doing, that is all. I've recovered so well it seems everyone thinks I'm cured and back 2 normal.

My good male male friends even drop me a line from time 2 time to ask how I'm doing and that's all I ask for.

But my relationship was toxic causing me too much stress, now I'm looking to get a quiet peaceful place of my own to live by my school and pursue a occupation that is better suited for me stress wise, plus I don't feel comfortable on scaffolding anymore.

My husband and i have had a quite a few fights because of his family,his mother is a dominant woman she has comments on everything.Sure he will say to her when she is wrong but many times he will just look and pretend he did not hear her.MS is not really the issue here i see now,he just mentioned it at that time because it was new...which is even more terrible.But he has not mentioned it since then.but problems because of his family still persist.

[modernjazz]

Our fights are mostly because i have no job now and he finds me lazy?!

I feel for you. Sometimes I just don't want to do anything and I'm called lazy, or people don't understand. I too don't understand. It seems like I'm lazy but it's 94 degrees out and I don't feel right. Hard to explain that to someone. Hang in there Medina.